Thursday, March 15, 2007

Government web site pictograms will protect you from terrorist attacks

Another from the mind of Ron M

We all know pictograms are used to communicate simple actions in visual format

The US government has a website; They have informative pamphlets
in PDF format for surviving terrorist attacks loaded with these images. And example
can be found at
It's another attempt at quelling public panic, in the style of the old "duck and cover" advice after WWII.

The funny thing is that these pictures are so ambiguous they could mean anything! Here are a few interpretations:

If you have set yourself on fire, do not run

If you spot terrorism, blow your anti-terrorism whistle. If you are Vin Diesel, yell real loudly.

If you spot a terrorist arrow, pin it against the wall with your shoulder

If you are sprayed with an unknown substance, stand and think about it instead of seeing a doctor.

Use your tractor beam flashlight to lift the walls right off of you!

The proper way to eliminate smallpox is to wash with soap, water and at least one (1) armless hand.

Michael Jackson is a terrorist. If you spot this smooth criminal with dead,
dead eyes, run away.

Hurricanes, dead fish and the biohazard symbol have a lot in common. Think
about it.

Be on the lookout for terrorists with pinkeye and leprosy. Also, they tend
to rub their hands together manically.

If a door is closed, karate chop it open.

If your building collapses, give yourself a blowjob while waiting to be rescued.

Try to absorb as much of the radiation as possible with your groin region.
After 5 minutes and 12 seconds, however, you may become sterile

After exposure to radiation it is important to consider that you may have mutated to gigantic dimensions: watch your head.

If you've become a radiation mutant with a deformed hand, remember to close the window. No one wants to see you.

-- If you hear the Backstreet Boys, Michael Bolton or Yanni on the radio, cower in the corner or run like hell (remember to watch your head).

If your lungs and stomach start talking, stand with your arms akimbo until they stop.

If you are trapped under falling debris, conserve oxygen by not farting.

If you lose a contact lens during a chemical attack, do not stop to look for it.

Do not drive your station wagon into a power pole.

-- A one-inch thick piece of plywood should be sufficient protection against

Always remember to carry food with you during a terrorist attack. At least
you'll be able to enjoy a nice coke and apple before you die.


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